Viktor the pit bull

My sister, a CPA, has taken an interest in my debt situation. Being a consummate SWPL, her motivations are suspect.

Dog “breeds” are a social construct. The pitbull is just like any other dog! The pitbull is misunderstood! The pitbull is a victim of the caninarchy! The pitbull just needs the right training. You’re a pitbullist! Gross, pitbullist! Look at the pitbullist! Point at him! Isn’t he evil? Evil evil EVIL PITBULLIST! Now watch, gross evil pitbullist, how tolerant I am. See how I benevolently guide the pitbull through medical school, out from under your pitbullist oppressive bigotryprejudicefearinsecuritynarcissism…


ooow, my face… it’s missing.

Status Whoring SWPLs And Pitbulls

Look, I love her. But I have to face some facts. Her salary requires her to work 12-hour days hiding corporate profits in various tax havens. She’s seriously dating an herbly atheist who moved three states for their platonic(?) relationship. She has basically no life aside from these, cooking, exercising, our odd family dinners…I suspect she is unhappy.

Like pit bulls, some breeds of humanity just don’t have what it takes to be functional in modern American society. We can muse and whine all day long about how maybe modern American society isn’t getting it right, about dysgenics, about decline, about my talents and potential, about how our worthless culture isn’t worth functioning in…aside from the pleasures of philosophizing it all amounts to bullshit compared to the facts on the ground.

It is now arithmetically impossible for me to be successful in any sense of the word. I know this because I am quite competent in arithmetic, and my passive-aggressive, platitude-spewing, positivity-pushing fans-slash-critics are not. My parents literally refuse to discuss my finances in terms of numbers. Less important than your mindset, they say. I wish I were making this up, or that it’s all a schizo-dream that a little Zyprexa will clear up. Nope. This is Baby Boomer logic, Baby.

So everybody preaches the benefits of good attitude, and I drink a little more Jameson and stand a little farther away.

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