Having been so myself, I pity the naive

So the most recent tax evasion kerfuffle is Apple. Whatever. They’ll eat a PR shit sandwich for a while, get a slap on the wrist, and get back to the business of de facto statehood. Rush Limbaugh actually got this one right (I’ve been doing a little construction with my dad lately): This is probably just part of the game for them. Dog and pony show, part of intricate business with political elites is that you have to pretend you aren’t all on the same team.

He got all of it right except the “probably” part.

Anyway. I keep telling my parents that my sister, a CPA, hides corporate profits for a living. Nonsense, they say. She specializes in “international tax law”, I point out. Not our little girl, they say. She specializes in corporate tax returns, I say. She’s worked hard and you’re just jealous, they say. Well, yes, I suppose so.

But what else does a well-reimbursed CPA, specializing in international corporate tax law, do? For fuck’s sake, she’s been trained by her company in the finer points of dinner etiquette. She just returned from a company-sponsored trip to Thailand, an exemplary tax haven.

What the fuck else do you want?

It’s like normal people use different parts of their brains to think about different things. No wonder they don’t have existential crises (if treating girls like ladies won’t get me laid…what else can I believe that you’ve taught me?). In the same conversation, they can lament the housing bubble and seriously discuss plans to flip houses as if they’ll return to bubble prices. As if the former has no impact on the latter. It’s uncanny.

My dad, in particular, seems to compartmentalize in the extreme, He simultaneously believes everything he hears on Fox and on Infowars. Depending on which he has believed most recently he will tell you that this is the most important election evarr for right-thinking Republicans or that elections are bullshit, respectively. Whereas my mom just doesn’t think about anything that offends her sense of normality.

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